5 “Healthy” Foods You Should Always Avoid

Let’s be real for a minute, there are a ton of healthy foods that are delicious and good for you however there are some “healthy” foods people and “experts” deem essential that I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Are you with me? This article is for them. AND… if you’re tired of being told what to eat then maybe this article is for you too. 

1. Kale, It’s green, it’s popular, and it tastes like crunchy dirt. 

I can dig a fancy health kick as much as the next guy but when my friend was snacking on some dried kale chips while on break at the market where we worked and offered me one I looked at her with eyes wide and I’m not going to lie I was skeptical. I am into giving new things a try so I threw caution to the wind and took a crispy little green flap out of the bag to give it a whirl. I don’t think it was my preconceived notion that this wasn’t going to be tasty that swayed my verdict, I honestly think it just genuinely isn’t good. But I am nothing if not forgiving so I gave some kale another try tossed fresh in a salad because maybe it is just not good as a chip, right? Wrong… it’s just not good. 

2. Sardines, tiny salty little sea creatures. You’d be salty too if you were bothered while just minding your business. 

People swear Sardines are the healthiest little buggers full of nutrition! However, I am not one of them. Those little gooey eyeballs just looking up at me in that little gooey body in that little gooey can is just too much for me. I was going to say these taste slimy going down but in all honestly, I’ve never eaten one. I just couldn’t get around the ooey-gooey little eyeball.

3. Quinoa, little tiny balls of happy nutrition.

Vegans and vegetarians alike swear Quinoa is god-sent. I was a vegetarian for years in my life and I feel like they definitely know what they are talking about but here they got it wrong. Quinoa is not rice and it isn’t heaven-sent. I don’t even know what it is but it does taste like sand. It is gritty and odd and if you love it you’re amazing. 

4. Plantains, they are not a banana and they will never be a banana. 

I’m in trouble with this one because Plantains are a religion in Guatemala. Guatemalans eat these for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They serve them at McDonald’s here. It’s truly a food that Guatemalans love. They stuff them with black beans and that’s especially different. I once ordered a balled Plantain from a food vendor for .50 because I thought it was stuffed with chocolate. I mean obviously, I’m in a third-world country in Central America and when I buy chocolate from the store it’s about 10 American dollars but logic had no place in my mind, I saw black goo and thought it was chocolate. It wasn’t…. it was black beans. While I love a lot of local Guatemalan food the plantain isn’t one of them and certainly not stuffed with frijoles. Shh, please don’t tell my husband. (He is Guatemalan.)

5. Kombucha, why not just drink vinegar? 

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Okay, so I’m from Moab, Utah, and Kombucha is the drink of the times. They sell about 50 varieties there in every shop. Moab loves hippies and I do too, I consider myself one part hippie, one part something else and hippies love Kombucha. Anyway, I tried Kombucha and had no idea what I was getting into. It tastes like vinegar. People say it’s great for your lady parts and that it keeps the flora happy, and I’m all about that so I gave it a shot, and then I didn’t for several years. Not to mention it is derived from a slimy live organism called a Scooby. However, in a weird twist of fate, I’m actually now a Kombucha fan. So I’ve come to terms with it being one of those things you like after hating it but still drinking it for a long time… kinda like beer.

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